


Of Friends and Struggles

by newtporn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, and it explores Alec's friendship with Raj more than his relationship with Magnus, there is graphic-ish description of sexual harassment, this was supposed to be malec but it's more Alec-centric, trigger warning: homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7659469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newtporn/pseuds/newtporn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finding himself in the middle of violence and prejudice, Alec Lightwood learned many things. What stuck to his mind was that he never understood the proper meaning of the word friend until now. He thought he was going through hell all alone; only after climbing out did he realize he had somebody next to him all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Friends and Struggles

**Author's Note:**

> please pay attention to the tags of the story to make sure you want to read this :)

Several things happened at once.

It was the second week without Jace and Alec Lightwood’s life was nothing short of hectic. The first blow came when his parents were summoned to Idris for interrogations, suspected in helping Hodge Starkweather to steal the Mortal Cup. There was an apologetic note from his sister next to his bed when he woke up; it said that after her trial she is apparently in the list of the Clave’s suspects as well. They left without so much as a goodbye, more the less a warning, and suddenly as that, Alec found himself in the position of the acting head of the Institute.

He spluttered out a very confused “Lydia?” to Raj, who came to him for instructions on the new schedule of their night patrols, since they now lacked their usual number of shadowhunters. Raj just shook his head and said that the official command was to follow Alec’s lead. He assigned the first week of patrols to four different hunters, trusting Raj to sort out any inconveniences and protests that came with a harder-packed working graphic. As soon as he was done, he headed to find Lydia.

“I’m leaving for Alicante,” she said, her voice apologetic. That was the second blow, and surprisingly it hit him harder than the first one.

“You can’t,” he said, desperation so evident in his voice, he cringed. “I just – Lydia people don’t _trust_ me here, not after what I did! Some of them won’t even want to obey – I’m in no state to be a leader right now!” he stuttered out, unafraid to show vulnerability in front of her.

Her eyes were kind and understanding, yet there was steel in them – the determined glow of a decision made and sealed. “I’m sorry, Alec,” she said, genuine. “I have to go. I am happy for you and Magnus, believe me, but things have gotten a little overwhelming.” Her delicate white fingers touched the bandage stretching from her temple and all the way down to her jaw. “I need some time off. Going through with this wedding, after Jon and everything I have been through was a huge decision for me – rushed, but huge – and now when it’s gone, I finally have time to slow down and think about what I want to do. This place isn’t _mine,”_ she punctuated the last word with a twist of her face to show the entireness of her wound and a hand motion that vaguely pointed towards the hall where the wedding would’ve happened. "The Clave is going to send another envoy to watch your work for a while, but it’s most probably going to be just an observer, not an aider. Alec, I’m sorry,” she finished, her tone so guilty it shattered his heart a little.

“No,” he said at once. “No, don’t apologize. I should be sorry for assuming – I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done, Lydia, and it was selfish of me to ask you to stay. You should do what’s…” he paused, blinking at the tiny déjà vu, “what’s right for you.”  

She smiled at that, a pretty little curve of her lips; then threw her arms around his middle and hugged him tight, so tight it almost hurt. If he was surprised, Alec didn’t let it show, and in an instance he was hugging her back, thankful for having had the honor of befriending this amazing woman.

So Alec Lightwood held his chin high, and accepted the role of the leader he was assigned to with no defiance whatsoever. He had Raj, and he suspected that people not daring to defy him and question his leadership due to his sexuality, had something to do with the boy shutting their mouths behind his back. He didn’t once give the impression that the snide comments would have bothered him, but in truth, they _would have._ They weren’t exactly friends, but Alec was grateful to Raj for being a loyal subordinate and somehow, Raj knew; that was enough for both of them.

The first and second blows turned out to be nothing compared to how much the third hurt.

“What do you mean you have to leave?” he asked, voice breaking a little.

“I hate to leave you alone, Alexander, I really do, especially after you’ve lost Jace… But Malcolm is one of my oldest friends and he is in desperate need of my help. I have to go.”

“Magnus,” Alec tried, and something in his tone must have sounded too desperate for Magnus to bear.

“You’re hurting,” he stated, hand gently cradling the side of Alec’s face. “Darling, what’s wrong?”

 _Everyone’s leaving,_ he wanted to say, to shout, to yell, but instead he took a deep inhale through his nose and leaned into Magnus’s touch the slightest bit.

“I’m… I’m okay,” he said. “You wouldn’t be leaving if it wasn’t important. It’s okay.”

“I wouldn’t,” Magnus confirmed, softly rubbing his thumb over the skin of Alec’s jaw. “But I will stay if you need me.”

“No. No, it’s alright, I promise. You should go. I’m sorry I can’t offer you my help – I have to mind the Institute and a whole brigade of dense shadowhunters.”

Magnus smiled at that, eyes so full of incredible fondness, they seemed to glow in the semi-darkness of his loft. He brought his other hand up, cradling Alec’s head fully, and kissed him, deep and sweet and slow.

When Alec woke up the next day, he found himself completely alone. After the wedding nobody even _looked_ his way without reproach, except maybe Raj. With a freshly applied Sure Striking rune, he made his way to the training room, wondering whether their old and rusty punching bag would curse him out for so much overuse, if it had a tongue. The sore ache in his knuckles was familiar and good, a feeling that hasn’t left him despite the recent turns his life took. It made him feel lighter, somehow, being in his regular place, beating the regular shit out of an inanimate object. For a few blissful moments he even managed to forget that anything was wrong, before he heard his name being called.

He delivered a last blow and then stopped the bag from swinging using the same hand he had been punching with.

“The new envoy arrives today,” Raj said, watching as Alec wiped the sweat off his brows with his thumbs. When his fingers came away, he was frowning.

“Today? Why wasn’t I informed earlier?”

“Because,” Raj explained patiently, eyeing the blood on Alec’s knuckles, “they are here to assess your work, and letting you know that they’re coming wouldn’t exactly be fair, since you’d have time to prepare. They are actually planning to take you by surprise and announce about their arrival an hour before they come. But,” he smiled smugly. “I know a guy.”

Alec raised his eyebrows, still managing to keep his scowling demeanor on. “You know a guy,” he repeated, not a question, but more of a clarification whether that was supposed to be funny.

Raj rolled his eyes, still smiling. “Yes, Alec, I know a guy. And he told me about the envoy’s arrival before we were officially supposed to find out about it.”

Without bothering to praise the boy, Alec dismissed him with a quick nod and an order to make sure that nobody was slacking off. Raj left, a skip to his step, still quite proud of himself for being efficient. Alec made a quick tour of the place, tapping the monitors here and there to check the quality of reports or scan through a research that seemed not as thoroughly done as it should have been.

Sure enough, he received a fire message in the evening stating that Anthony Stoneblack, one of Counsil Herondale’s proxies, is going to be assigned the task of supervising his work for as long as it will be deemed necessary. By now, he was fully ready to face whoever Anthony was supposed to be – the mention of Imogen Herondale’s name didn’t leave the intimidating effect they probably intended it to have. Alec felt strangely calm; he had nothing to lose.

It has been a mere half of an hour when he walked into the monitoring room and found a very flustered Raj shaking hands with somebody he did not recognize. The man was tall, taller than him even, with brown brushed up hair that turned a lighter shade with each different angle the light hit it. His stubble was almost ginger-ish and his eyes were as blue as the clearest waters of the ocean itself. He had such a kind face, for a moment Alec wanted to laugh out loud. Was this the big bad intimidating man the Clave sent? Sure, Anthony was built and had impressive muscle mass, but his entire demeanor screamed _gullible._

“Mr. Stoneblack, I assume?” he cleared his throat politely as he approached. The man’s attention instantly flew from Raj to Alec. There was a very awkward moment in which blue irises gauged Alec’s entire form (which, for the record, wasn’t exactly small) and then Anthony beamed.

“Alexander! Delighted to meet you!”

Alec grimaced, but shook the outstretched hand all the same. “It’s Alec,” he corrected politely. “Welcome to New York.”

The new arrival beamed, seemingly fascinated to be here. “We’ll start the observation tomorrow if you don’t mind. I’d like to make myself comfortable in the room you’ve prepared for me.”

Alec nodded, perplexed. He thought he wouldn’t be given opportunity to prepare for said _observation_ if the arrival of the envoy was supposed to be a secret for that same reason. He motioned for the man to follow him and strode towards the dormitories. Anthony, impossibly two inches taller than him, had no hard time keeping up with his step.

“It’s so thrilling to finally meet you in person,” Stoneblack finally confessed, after a little while of silence that was only disturbed by their footsteps.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, you’re quite the legend in Idris! Your wedding was the event of the year!”

That right there was a line crossed. When he thought about Lydia’s grand arrival, this man seemed a ridiculous ant next to her. Alec stopped in his tracks and looked at the man with the most impassive expression he could master. “My _failed_ wedding,” he reminded, “which was not very professional _or_ considerate of you to bring up. Your room.”

They stopped in front of a door, identical to a dozen others in the corridor. Anthony opened the door, undisturbed by the harshness of Alec’s tone. “You are a very brave man, Alec Lightwood,” he said, and then he was gone with a click of the lock on now his own door.

Alec stared at where the man has been a few moments ago, mind a little bit numb. He had a sinking feeling that the Clave sent this idiot because nobody else wanted to associate themselves to him and his newfound reputation. He wasn’t sure whether to be happy or sad about that.

There were no new texts on his phone when checked it back in his room, after a few hours of exhausting paperwork. He figured Magnus was too busy with whatever mayhem his friend had caused and Isabelle should not be allowed a phone while in questioning. He suspected she’d find a way to sneak it in if she needed it, but apparently she didn’t.

It was okay. Alec sent her a quick text asking how she’s doing just in case, and then sent his daily good night text to Magnus. While he was getting ready for bed, his phone beeped two times. Both were Magnus: one apologizing for not managing to call during the day and promising a soon comeback, and the other one a good night with a string of various heart-shaped emojis.

He smiled despite the rough first day of being by himself, and turned the lights off, snuggling into a cocoon of his blankets, mind already heavy with sleep.

 

* * *

 

The first thought that crossed his mind when Alec woke up from a polite knock on his door was _what the fuck_ , Jace. The second was WHAT THE FUCK, _JACE!!!_

He all but jumped from his bed, almost face planting on the floor because of the tangled sheets. The clock on his wall read 5:45 AM which meant his alarm would go off in exactly ten minutes. His head spun with the aftermath of being jerked awake from sleep; the only coherent thought keeping his mind functioning was _Jace Jace Jace._ He kicked the door open with so much force, it would have knocked down his visitor were it not for their shadowhunter instincts.

A huge hand caught the handle and stopped the door before it crashed. Confused, blue eyes blinked at him from exactly two inches above. The familiar golden sprinkle on the bottom of the left eye was missing. They weren’t mismatched.

“Alec?” Anthony asked, sounding apprehensive.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Alec panted out. He realized that his heart was beating so fast, he was running short of breath.

“Are you okay?” the Stoneblack pried.

“Yeah I – I thought you were somebody else… they had a habit of barging into my room right before my alarm went off just to annoy me.” Alec suddenly blinked, and looked at the man standing in front of him. As if clearing his clouded mind with a shake of his head, he coughed. “Anyway. You – I probably should have asked when – I didn’t think you’d want to start the observation so early, but if you’re—” He stopped mid-sentence, when it was evident that Stoneblack had little interest in what he was babbling. The man’s eyes were slowly traveling down his bare legs and it struck Alec that he was just in a t-shirt and his boxers. He squirmed.

“Oh right,” Anthony exclaimed a little too loudly, snapping out of his daydream. “The observation. I think it’s safe to say the start is pretty impressive.” He casted one more quick glance to the hem of Alec’s t-shirt where most of his thighs were on display, then met the Lightwood’s eyes and _winked._

Alec’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. He crossed his arms over his chest protectively. “Your eye twitched,” he said, ice cold.

Anthony laughed. “Oh it might have,” he countered. “It probably liked what it saw.”

Alec couldn’t help but snort at that one. “Just to make it clear,” he said slowly. “I am in a relationship. With a man I really really like.” He backed into his room, pushing the door closed.

“The downworlder?” Anthony called from the other side of the wall, but Alec ignored him, pulling on his clothes.

“I’ll meet you in the training room in ten minutes,” he said, loud enough for his voice to carry through the closed door. There was a moment’s pause and then footsteps, walking away.

When he was sure the man was out of earshot, Alec laughed. Loudly. The situation was so _ridiculous,_ he was half-convinced that this was all an elaborate prank pulled on him by his friends to lighten up his mood after Jace’s disappearance. Or maybe this was all Jace’s idea, and he was watching Alec through the surveillance cameras somewhere in the basement of the institute and snickering to himself.

He texted Magnus a good morning and even added a smiley face at the end of it because he was suddenly feeling very affectionate. When he joined Anthony in the training room, the latter had a tablet in his hands and was closely examining a seraph blade _. Jace’s_ seraph blade.

Alec willed himself not to be too hostile with the man. “Careful with that,” he said, approaching but at the same time making sure to keep his distance.

“Its runes are fading,” Anthony observed with a tut. “That’s a minus.”

“Its owner is away,” Alec snapped, feeling suddenly angry, his plan of trying to be nice flying out of the window. “You tried to flirt with me a few minutes ago. _That’s_ a minus.”

Anthony blinked a couple of times, surprised at the boldness. “You’re very forward,” he said slowly.

“So were you, as I recall,” Alec retorted.

“I thought I was being coy.”

“You –” the sharp beep of his phone interrupted Alec. He checked to see a text from Isabelle.

“Is that your downworlder?” Anthony inquired.

Alec narrowed his eyes. “His name is Magnus Bane.”

Anthony nodded. “That’s a fact about him. _And_ he’s a downworlder. That’s also a fact about him.”

Alec _felt_ his neck turning red with anger. He was about to give this man a piece of his mind, when Raj stepped into the training room.

“Is everything okay?” he asked uncertainly.

Anthony dismissed him with a yes, but Raj didn’t move, his eyes glued to Alec. The latter felt a pang of gratitude to the boy. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling. “Yes,” Alec confirmed, and only then did Raj move. He approached his leader and stopped next to him, hesitating.

Technically, he wasn’t allowed to speak of their missions in front of any stranger, Shadowhunters who weren’t registered in the New York Institute included. Alec gave him permission. “We need your help,” Raj explained. “The System indicates that there are traces of demonic activity on the Third, but the radar was silent all night.  

Alec looked back at Stoneblack, who held his gaze with an amused quirk to his lips, and frowned. “Don’t touch too much,” he warned, indicating the shelf with their frequently used weapons. “Raj will stay with you.”

Raj made an indignant sound at the back of his throat but Alec chastised him with a glare.  

“Oh no, I’m coming,” Anthony chimed in. “This is a perfect opportunity to –”

“You’re not,” Alec announced in a voice that didn’t leave space for any argument. “You don’t know the place, you’ll just get in the way. Raj, _please_ make sure he doesn’t touch anything too much,” he added for good measure and then he was out of the door.

“Is he always so bossy?” Anthony inquired, tapping something on his tablet.

“He’s the leader,” Raj deadpanned.

Anthony smiled then, a sweet, venomous smile. “Right,” he said. “Let’s hope he’ll be willing to do anything to keep his position.” With that, he looked around himself once more and walked out just like that, without examining the weapons.

 

* * *

 

It turned out the demons were summoned by a warlock who used spells to prevent them from showing up on shadowhunters’ radar. Being a young, stupid thing, the warlock hadn’t realized the demonic energy would leave detectable traces even after the demons were gone. The shadowhunters were intent on killing the poor green-skinned girl for _“engaging in illegal downworlder activity”_ and it took Alec all his eloquence and authority to stop them from doing anything fatal.

The girl got away with a stern warning and a private promise from Alec himself, to be hunted down by the High Warlock of Brooklyn if she ever thought to pull a stunt like this again. The ordeal took the whole first half of their day and by the time their group reached the Institute, it was already getting dark.

Alec managed to write the report on the mission in peace, changing up some of the details he thought the Clave wouldn’t like and pointedly avoiding mentioning the warlock girl’s name for her own safety. There was a knock on his door and whether it was his enhanced hearing due to his runes still activated from the mission or his asshole-radar’s sharpened sensors, he knew it was Anthony before the guy ever opened the door.

“What do you want, Stoneblack?” Alec asked, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

“I was wondering if we could talk?”

Alec sighed. “Only and I mean _only_ if it’s professional.”

The blue-eyed man nodded and stepped inside, carefully shutting the door behind him. “Alec,” he said. “I think you made it pretty clear that you were not interested in what I tried to offer to you, but I just wanted to ask you – why? It’s not like you’re going to meet Shadowhunters who will… share your interests very often. Not taking the chance while you have it is foolish.”

Alec stood up so abruptly, he knocked his chair back. “Get out,” he growled, pointing a threatening-looking finger at the door.

“You’re going to regret this, Lightwood,” the taller man warned, rising slowly. “One word from me and the Clave will _destroy_ you.”

“Get the fuck out of here or I’ll _kick_ you.”

Stoneblack went and slammed the door behind him. Alec slumped against his desk and took out his phone. He dialed Magnus’s number without even realizing what he’s doing and upon hearing the warlock’s familiar “Alexander!” he sighed in relief.

“Magnus,” he returned.

“It’s so nice to – ah! I’m in the middle of something here.” There was a crash and a muffled scream from the other side of the call. “DON’T WORRY,” the warlock yelled to reassure. He sounded far away now, and Alec figured it’s because he was on speaker. “Malcolm, I’m going to _kill_ you – Alec, darling I’m so – I’ll call you back, I promise – _fuck.”_

“That’s okay,” Alec said quickly. “I just wanted–” The line went silent. “–to hear your voice.” Alec let out a heavy sigh. “This is ridiculous,” he mumbled to himself.

When he received the fire message the next day, he barged into Stoneblack’s room without any warning.

“What’s this?” he demanded, throwing the burnt on the edges piece of paper in front of the man.

Stoneblack blinked. “A fire message,” he observed, picking it up. “From the Clave, it seems. _Alec Lightwood,_ – blah, blah, – _unsatisfactory work,_ – blah, blah, – _questionable leadership,_ – blah, blah, – _report from envoy Stoneblack,_ – ah!” he grinned and looked at Alec with a devilish glow in his eyes. “I didn’t think they work so fast.”

“The Institute is in spotless condition!” Alec said angrily.

“It is,” Anthony confirmed. “But I didn’t feel like telling that to the Clave. You were quite rude to me yesterday, as you might recall.”

“Stoneblack,” Alec hissed menacingly, taking a few steps forward.

“What?” the man replied, confident. “Stoneblack, _what,_ Lightwood? You won’t _dare_ to do anything because your parents will fucking disown you if you lose them this Institute. You hear me? All I’m asking from you is a nice fuck or two – come _on_ , don’t make that face, it’ll be nice! I’m attractive, you’re fucking gorgeous, it’ll be _fun_ –”

Alec punched him square in the face. Or at least he tried to, but the asshole caught his fist mid action and twisted his hand behind his back. “No one’s an efficient fighter when they’re enraged,” he said, pulling on Alec’s arm and effectively shoving his body forward, so that he’s halfway bent over.

“Let go of me,” Alec gritted out through his teeth, trying to calm down enough to actually think of a fighting tactics.

Anthony shoved him further. “I’ll fuck the brains out of that pretty head of yours. Isn’t that what you want anyway? I’ll fuck you like your warlock never _dreamed_ of fucking you, you hear me?”

The mention of Magnus was what did it. Alec twisted his arm sharply, loosening Anthony’s grip on him and pushed his elbow into his stomach. Anthony doubled over and Alec leapt away from him, fighting stance fully ready. “I’ll kill you _twice_ before you lay a finger on me, asshole,” he spat. “Who the FUCK do you think you are?”

They threw daggers at each other for a moment full of electricity before the door banged open and Raj literally dropped in. He looked around wildly and then narrowed his eyes at the way Stoneblack was clutching his stomach. “I heard noises,” he said. “I didn’t mean to, uh – interrupt?”

Alec turned his glare on him and then stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him.

He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, trying to dial Magnus desperately but his fingers shook with rage or something else, he didn’t know, he just couldn’t keep them steady so he tossed the phone on the bed in frustration. He _felt_ his hands shaking and it was disturbing so he ran them through his hair, trying to calm himself.

After ten minutes of deep breaths, he felt calm enough to try and use his phone again.

 _“Magnus,”_ he said desperately when the warlock picked up. “Magnus, please, please, listen to me I’m–”

“Alas, I’m way less glittery and way more clever than the person you are looking for, Darling.”

Alec actually let out a noise of frustration. “Where’s Magnus?”

“He’s a little,” a meaningful pause, “preoccupied at the moment.”

“What’s he _doing?_ ”

“Fighting a fragment of my imagination, if you want me to be frank.”

Alec heard his own exhale. “Malcolm,” he said. “Malcolm, are you Malcolm?”

“Yes, that would be me, Darling.”

“Don’t call me that,” Alec said almost absently.

“Isn’t that your name? It said so on the phone contact.”

Alec shook his head, feeling like his insides were going to explode one by one. “Malcolm, please, you have to–”

There was a loud high-pitched shriek and the line went dead. Alec chucked his phone at the wall and the screen cracked with a loud disgusting sound.

When he went to sleep that night, Alec locked the door. He woke up to the painful sensation of his skin burning. There was a silhouette of a man above him and Alec scrambled on the bed in quick panicked movements, trying to get away from him – but the man grabbed his arm in a steel grip and finished the rune.

Alec couldn’t scream. He tried to struggle, but it felt like invisible bounds had tied him to his bed. For the first time, he felt actual _fear_ towards Stoneblack.

“I _always_ get what I want, Lightwood,” the man said casually, twirling his stele in his hand. “I can even leave the lights off for your sake.”

Alec tried to struggle again but every movement brought sharp pain to his wrists. He felt a cold hand creeping up under the loose t-shirt he was wearing and it was enough to make him open his mouth and _scream._ No sound came out. In a moment of desperation Alec almost bit down his own tongue, but Anthony soothed him. His hand rubbed a gentle path along Alec’s thigh, moving higher with every stroke; Alec felt a disgusting shiver run over his entire body.

He spat on Stoneblack’s face.

That was, apparently, the wrong thing to do, because Anthony cursed at him and ripped the hem of his shirt in two; he kept pulling until the entire shirt was torn over Alec’s chest.

With a wrenching feeling in his gut Alec suddenly realized that _this was happening._ This was really happening. He squirmed and struggled and thrashed in his invisible bonds, letting out the smallest of whimpers which were the only sounds he was capable of making through the _Full Soundless_ rune burning on his skin.

Stoneblack laughed at his attempts. “You’re so fucking hot,” he whispered, tracing Alec’s chest with the calloused pads of his fingers.

There was a sharp beeping sound in the room. The shattered screen of Alec’s smartphone lit up, revealing the variety of cracks it had all over the surface. Anthony had a second to look over to it before there was a portal materializing in the room.

The air froze. Each purple shimmer of teleporting magic seemed to take millions of years to crack into existence but eventually there was an entire purple wall in the room and through it stepped none else than the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

“You haven’t sent me a good night text, which you _always_ do so I figured out you’re still awake and Malcolm told me–” he stopped, perfectly manicured hand freezing mid-gesture in the air. Several _very long_ seconds passed in absolute silence in which Magnus took in Alec’s position in bed and his ripped shirt and his nearly tear-stained eyes and then moved to lock on the man sitting beside him on the bed.

“Hello,” Magnus said politely.

Instead of answering, Anthony yelled and tumbled down to the floor, clutching at his clothed groin. The fabric of his jeans slowly started getting soaked with blood.

Alec struggled against his restraints again to show Magnus that he’s bound. The warlock dropped on his knees next to his bed, completely ignoring the whimpering mess of Anthony’s body, rocking back and forth on the floor, still clutching at the remains of his manhood.

Without saying a word, Magnus ran his hand over two runes on Alec’s arm. “Full Soundless and Immobilization,” he whispered and tears flowed down his cheeks in two neat black rivulets, destroying his eye makeup.

Alec felt his chest constrict in pain, felt a thousand tiny shivers running down straight through his heart but as hard as he wanted to reassure Magnus, he couldn’t let out a sound except a pathetic whimper.  Magnus sobbed into his trembling hands, but wiped the wetness away quickly. He looked like he was shaking, but Alec couldn’t tell for sure. With a snap of his fingers the portal on the wall reappeared and Magnus all but kicked Anthony’s whimpering form into it. He took a piece of paper from Alec’s desk, scrambled something on it quickly, and tossed it after the body, closing the portal as soon as the message disappeared through it.

Alec wanted to ask, wanted to hug his own body, wanted to move, to _do something,_ but his hands felt like they were made out of stone. Magnus returned to his side, seemingly having gained a little control over his shaking and ran a gentle hand over the entire length of Alec’s body, careful not to touch it. Blue flames of magic circled him in a warm, slow cocoon and when they left, Alec realized he was wearing clothes.

He threw Magnus a grateful glance. Magnus sat down on the floor next to him and took a deep, deep breath.

“Alexander,” he said and his voice cracked.  It was the most heart breaking sound Alec has ever heard. “I’m so sorry, darling,” he whispered. “These runes, they’re not going to wear off for the next couple of hours. You’ll either have to stay like this, or I can burn them away – that’ll leave scars.”

Alec just stared because that was the only thing he could do.

“I – I was actually planning to go to the loft and surprise you with my return tomorrow, but since you hadn’t sent the goodnight text I thought…”Magnus shook his head. “My darling – I’m so sorry…”

Magnus didn’t cry again, but Alec suspected that he only held it back for Alec’s sake. He watched the warlock for three long, silent hours in which Magnus quietly whispered the occasional apology. He never once touched Alec in all that time and Alec guessed that the warlock was being thoughtful – he wished he could let Magnus know how much he needed to be held.

He felt his finger twitch. He croaked out an incoherent sound and somehow Magnus was pushing a glass of water in between his lips. Alec sipped carefully, feeling each drop burn his lungs with literal fire. It hurt but he was so thirsty the pain didn’t matter; Magnus knew that, of course he did, so after several gulps he took the glass away despite Alec’s protesting sounds.

“Can you speak?” he asked, rubbing his fingers together nervously.

Alec croaked out a sound. Then another one. He pushed himself until his vocal chords felt flexible enough to say “Magnus.”

Magnus looked like he wanted to hug him, but he kept his distance. Alec, determined to show the warlock that it’s okay, surged forward and enveloped the other man in his arms. Magnus sobbed into his shoulder, squeezing him tight, and Alec realized that he was crying too.

“Nothing happened,” he whispered. “You came on time, Magnus, nothing happened. I tried to call you – I didn’t think he’d actually go this far… nothing happened.” It felt like he was reassuring himself more than he was reassuring Magnus.

“Alec, I am so sorry.”

“No.” Alec shook his head firmly. “Don’t be.”

 

* * *

 

The next day was a blur. Anthony didn’t show up, and Magnus explained that he would probably be in an infirmary somewhere right now, healing his… wounds. Or grieving for his now missing parts. Call it whatever you want, Magnus had said.

Alec didn’t want to call it anything. He wasn’t particularly shook, though his pride did take a considerable blow. Magnus insisted on Alec portaling to his loft every evening and made sure to wake up at 5:55 AM every morning to create a portal to send Alec back, no matter how many times his boyfriend insisted that it was fine. Alec didn’t know how to show his gratitude and as much as he tried to deny it, he knew that what Magnus was doing kept him grounded.

Anthony Stoneblack only showed up in three days with the Inquisitor and another intimidating looking Clave representative that Alec hoped wasn’t the Counsil himself.

“Alec Lightwood,” Imogen said, “we have been informed that you are not suit for leading the New York Institute.”

“And why is that?” Alec asked without letting his voice waver.

“Anthony Stoneblack has been assigned the task of supervising your actions and has come to the conclusion that as a leader you are bound to fail.”

Alec narrowed his eyes. He could pull the CCTV card to show that Anthony did little supervising while he was here, but he didn’t exactly want to give the Clave a front row view to any of the interactions he had with the envoy. He took a deep breath and said, “you can check for yourself, the Institute is under thorough control, the work is getting done and all the papers are due.”  

Imogen shook her head. “You don’t have control over your own people, Lightwood.” She glanced around at the crowd of shadowhunters already gathering around them to listen in. “And after the recent events I am not blaming them for questioning any decision you make.”

Alec felt his blood freeze. There it was, the consequences for his action he hoped he could avoid – how could he have been stupid enough to believe the Clave would let him live it down? “I…” he started and stuttered because he had no response whatsoever. The truth was that almost nobody in the Institute deigned to listen to him – and it was becoming harder and harder to ignore.

He raised his chin up, nostrils flaring. “You won’t take this Institute from me without a proper documented reason.”

“I don’t need your permission to do it, boy,” the inquisitor snapped. “You didn’t think a man like… _you_ ,” her nose wrinkled, “would be allowed to be any sort of leader in our community.”

Alec reached for the stele in the pocked of his jacket, pulled it out and threw it to inquisitor’s feet. “I don’t _want_ to be a part of a community that can’t see over their own prejudices!” he announced and deadly silence settled in the room.

The inquisitor, Anthony and the other man with them looked scandalized. Anthony opened his mouth to say something, when suddenly Raj – Raj, who has been nothing but loyal and accepting towards Alec ever since forever, Raj, who never got so much as a friendly word of gratitude from him, Raj, who Alec kept at a professional distance no matter what effort the boy made, stepped out of the crowd and threw his stele next to Alec’s.

“I will follow _my leader_ wherever he goes,” he said, voice carrying through the entire room.

Alec turned to look at him, startled to the point of actual speechlessness. Raj’s shoulders were tense and he was probably regretting doing this on impulse, when a blonde girl from the crowd stepped forward and threw her stele to the floor.

“Lightwood is my leader,” she said, looking at Raj with determined eyes. Raj nodded at her, once. “and I trust his decisions.”

One by one shadowhutners proclaimed their loyalty to Alec, and soon the floor was littered with more than a dozen of steles, all different sizes and shapes and colors. A few people stayed behind, but soon Alec and Raj had almost the entire population of the New York Institute standing behind them.

Alec clasped his hands behind his back to conceal from the Inquisitor the way they were shaking. The woman assessed the room with a petrifying glare and kicked one of the steles with her foot. “Fools!” she said. “Every single one of you! Lightwood, you will pick up your stele and tell all these people that they are to obey my orders! _I_ am your leader before he ever is,” she stuck out a finger in Alec’s direction. “And my order is to obey!”

There was a moment’s silence, in which literally every pair of eyes was glued to Alec. Slowly, Alec turned his back to the Inquisitor and faced the small crowd of people who put their careers at stake to support him. There was a painful lump in his throat and he struggled to swallow it – he couldn’t _ever_ show how grateful he was but he would never have so many people giving up their _whole lives_ for him!

“Don’t you dare,” Raj whispered next to him. “I know what you’re about to say, Alec. Don’t. We made our choice.”

Alec looked at him then, at the boy he was sure was behind all these people’s sudden change of heart, and an overwhelming feeling of affection surged through him, almost making him choke. “Inquisitor,” he said slowly, turning back. “These people are at my direct command. They swore their loyalty to the head of the Institute the moment they registered here, but I am in no position of depriving them of their choice to make a decision.”

Imogen Herondale turned to her left. “Anthony,” she said and the man stepped forward. “You told me that people thought less of their current leader because they didn’t approve of his choices. They’re delighted to have him, as it seems.” Her last sentence was stressed with a disgusted wrinkle of her nose, but nobody paid it any mind.

“They were,” Stoneblack confirmed. “I talked to you,” he said, eyes darting between a few faces. “You told me that Lightwood disgusted you!”

Some eyes dropped to the floor in shame. One girl raised her hand. “I did,” she confirmed, “and I’m sorry, Alec. You–” her eyes met Raj’s for a fleeting second and she seemed to gain confidence. “As somebody pointed it out to some of us… you are a man of honor. And that never changed, even though I don’t approve of some of your choices.”

Imogen frowned in the moment of silence that followed. “Are there any other reasons to remove Lightwood from his leadership except his unestablished authority?” she asked thoughtfully.

Alec met Stoneblack’s eyes with a withering gaze.

“…no,” Stoneblack said. “There are not.”

Imogen frowned even deeper if that was possible. “Anthony,” she said sternly. “I portaled all the way here from Idris for no reason?”

“Inquisitor Herondale this is ridiculous!” Stoneblack spluttered. “I assure you that a man like _him_ is not fit to lead no matter what his pawns say, you don’t mean to tell me you’re going to let them affect your decisions!”

“Enough!” the inquisitor boomed.

They left with a semblance of an apology that more reminded of a complain of wasted time. As soon as they were gone, Raj cheered and everybody joined him; soon people were shaking Alec’s hand and congratulating him on keeping the Institute. His mind _spun._

When Raj approached him with his usual lopsided smile and stuck out his hand to shake Alec’s, Alec pulled him in, crushing his bones in a huge hug. Raj stiffened, then relaxed, bursting out into laughter, body shaking with waves and waves of it against Alec’s own.

“Thank you,” Alec whispered when he let the boy go, a word that conveyed everything he never told Raj all these years.

“You’re welcome,” the boy shrugged as if nonchalantly, but the beaming smile on his face betrayed how smug he felt.

When Alec told Magnus everything that happened in the evening, Magnus kissed him and told him how happy and proud he was of Alec. Then he snapped his fingers.

Alec waited several moments, then looked around curiously. “You snapped your fingers?” he asked, uncertain.

“I did?” Magnus replied.

Apparently not, Alec thought, searching for a spark of blue magic around himself one last time and shrugging when he failed to find it.

That evening, Raj found a mysterious box in his room that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. In the box, there was a silver engraved dagger laid on a soft bed of cotton. Raj examined the dagger carefully; it seemed to be made out of silver. The neat curling patterns on it suggested 15th century, yet it was so sharp, he didn’t dare to twirl it in his hand. Later, he would realize that it is magically enchanted to find its way back to him whenever and wherever it was lost.

He never found out who gave him the gift.


End file.
